Better Know a Soccer Club

Stephen Colbert has his "Better Know a District" gimmick. Well, I'm starting my "Better Know a Soccer Club" in the run-up to the First Round of the Open Cup. Unfortunately I don't have a contract like he does nor the ability to use the segments as filler. Instead the cup is a timely event that begins tomorrow. So here's a quick glance at the USASA and NPSL, i.e. the lowest tiers, clubs participating.


RWB Adria
Hometown: Chicago, IL
A Region II club of the USASA, Red White and Blue Adria has strong Croatian affiliations as they regularly plays in the Croatian-North American Soccer Tournament. They've also arguably won the most trophies in the state of Illinois.


New York Pancyprian Freedoms
Hometown: Queens, New York City
The Region I Freedoms have, or attempted to, qualify for every US Open Cup since its inception. They're also the last repeat victors, accomplishing the feat in 1982 and '83.


Clearwater International F.C. Galactics
Hometown: Clearwater, FL
Region III and Florida Suncoast Soccer League (FSSL) champions, Clearwater is a non-profit club with loads of teams. Yet their real interesting facets lie in their website. Seriously: underlines, highlights, and bold markings? Yikes.


ASC New Stars

Hometown: Houston, TX
Aria Soccer Club was founded in 1974 by Iranians Reza and Taher Khalili. The New Stars is their top team, comprised of players under the age of twenty-five. They're the Houston and Texas State Champions, and with the exception of a 4-4 draw with Greenwood Wanderers in qualification, they won their group handily.

AAC Eagles
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Another ChiTown club affiliated with an Eastern European nation, the Eagles have roots in Poland. Although they have an impressive track record, its hard to get any information or history from their website.


Boston Olympiakos
Hometown: Boston, MA
Founded as Boston United in 1990, the club changed the name to its current state in 1996. Although they've done quite well in the Open Division of the Massachusetts State Soccer League (winning 5 titles) and the Amateur Cup Finals (winning it last year), this is the first time they've ever been in the Open Cup.


Arizona Sahuaros
Hometown: Phoenix, AZ
The nomadic Sahuaros have a history of changing names and leagues, but find themselves participating in the NPSL's Southwest Conference for 2008. Additionally, the qualification for the US Open Cup occurred in the club's first four matches of the season. Yet the team has nine players from their last appearance in 2006, so its no surprise they're in it again. They're also the only NPSL club in the tournament.


Hollywood United
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
Although I hate LA, Hollywood, and everything to do with SoCal, this club has a great history. Back in the 80s British ex-pats like Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols and Vivian Campbell of Def Leppard, among others, used to frequent this one pub and decided to form a team. The club has transformed from an actual pub team into an amalgamation of competitive players, and b-list movie stars and musicians -- Anthony LaPaglia is the club's chairman -- but hey, what else did you expect?

US Open Cup 3rd Round Play-In

The first round doesn't start until next Tuesday, but last night the MLS had a play-in match for the third round. And go figure it was on a FIFA International Date.

Alas the Kansas City Wizards took on the Colorado Rapids at Shawnee Mission North High School, in Overland Park, KS. Yep, that's right, reason #5 why no one knows/cares about the US Open Cup: the games occur at high school fields. Yikes.

Anyways, the Wizards and Rapids engaged in a heave-ho match, with KC managing to win the ensuing penalty shootout 5-3. Of course, there aren't any video highlights or even photos of the match, but below is a quick rundown of the game's proceedings.

With both sides fielding practically full-strength sqauds, KC's Ryan Pore opened the scoring in the 20th minute. Yet just sixteen minutes later, Rapids' Herculez Gomez tied it up at 1 all. (On a side note, but Gomez doesn't get a call up for the USMNT is vexing -- he has to be better than Wolff and Clark).

Nine minutes into the second half, the Rapids would go up 2-1 thanks to striker's Jacob Peterson's header. Star Wizard striker Ivan Trujillo slotted home the equalizer in the 86th minute, but midfielder Davy Arnuad's second booking put the Wiz down to 10 men.

Although each side 'won' each half, the score was still tied at 2-2 after both periods of extra time. Both clubs would score the first three penalty's, but Rapids' Facundo Erpin hit the cross bar. Wizard Kurt Morsink stepped up, scored the penalty, and sent the Wizard's to the Third Round proper.

Stats from Cup's website:

Scoring Summary
20 (KC) Ryan Pore (Unassisted)
36 (COL) Herculez Gomez (Ciaran O’Brien)
57 (COL) Jacob Peterson (Mehdi Ballouchy)
86 (KC) Ivan Trujillo (Claudio Lopez)

PK Summary
KC - Jewsbury (Goal, 1-0)
COL - Gomez (Goal, 1-1)
KC - Lopez (Goal, 2-1)
COL - Ballouchy (Goal, 2-2)
KC - Trujillio (Goal, 3-2)
COL - Grazier (Goal, 3-3)
KC - Conrad (Goal, 4-3)
COL - Erpen (Miss - Crossbar, 4-3)
KC - Morsink (Goal, 5-3)

The next MLS match also coincides with the First Round (Tuesday, June 10 -- also the day Spain play Russia, and Sweden versus Greece), as the Chicago Fire host the Columbus Crew. That game will occur at Bradley University's Shea Stadium in Peoria, IL, which is -- albeit slightly -- a step up from a high school.

The US Open Cup exists, it's here, and I'm going to explain it to you.

There are many mysteries in the world: who built Stonehenge? Where did Jimmy Hoffa go? How did Crash win an Oscar?

Another mystery of equal proportion is why no one cares, or even knows, about the Lamar Hunt US Open Cup.

It’s sad and quite telling when wikipedia is the best source of information about the competition. Therefore a finger can be pointed to the US Soccer Federation (USSF) and their inexplicable disregard of the event in favor of the US Men’s (and Women’s) National Team. Another can be attributed to MLS taking its own title way too seriously, to the point where any other competition is meaningless (e.g. CONCACAF Champions Cup, SuperLiga, this cup). Lastly, ESPN, FSC, and the other networks can be faulted for never providing any news about or highlights of it. Even the cup's website has the incorrect date in the press release (hint: look at the first line).

So subsequently there is little fan interest in the event. And this is a total shame because it’s the second oldest competition behind Lord Stanley’s Cup. Additionally, clubs of all levels can compete in it, a la the FA Cup. So pub teams can face MLS, USL-1, USL-2, and youth academy’s – competition at its finest. And although I, and others, have documented the waning of the FA Cup (add link) it is still unique and quite novel.

Well, I feel like the silence needs to be broken. With the first-round draw announced Wednesday, I will try my best to cover it. Luckily the local club Crystal Palace USA is competing in it, so I will try my best to attend a match (although I PRAY the tickets are cheaper -- $16 for a USL-2 game is inexcusable).

This year the qualifying is a little different (but not like anyone knew of its former format anyway), but still quite muddled. Eight MLS clubs enter (like the EPL in the FA Cup) in the third round, six automatically qualify based on their 2007 season standings. That means Chivas USA, DC United, FC Dallas, Houston Dynamo, New England, and the NYRB are in. Thus the remaining clubs have a seven team playoff. So far San Jose, the LA Galaxy, and Real Salt Lake have all been booted, and the next round is June 4.

The lower tiers however all vie for placing in the first round, which starts June 10.

All American USL-1 teams (8) automatically qualify, because FIFA and USSF rules prohibit Vancouver, Montreal, and Puerto Rico's participation as they are from Canada and, well, Puerto Rico.

Defending USL-2 regular season champions Richmond Kickers, and playoff champions Harrisburg City Islanders both automatically qualify. Thus, of the seven remaining America-based USL-2 squads, six qualify via regular season matches, so bottom dwellers Wilmington Hammerheads wont be participating. So in total, eight clubs are placed.

The same criteria goes for the USL Premier Development League (PDL), but each conference has its own qualification procedures: the Eastern and Central Conference(s) advance two teams, while the Mid-South, Southeast, Northwest, and Southwest Division(s) place just one. Again, the magic number is eight.

Lastly, the United States Adult Soccer Association (USASA) places – you guessed it! – eight clubs in the cup. Like the PDL, each region does its own version of qualification. Region I (the northeast) and Region II (Midwest) have playoffs. Region III (the south) and Region IV (the southwest and SoCal) have group stages. The autonomous National Premier Soccer League (a fourth-tier league) qualifies through the USASA.

Therefore, without much ado below is the first round draw, which starts June 10:

Carolina RailHawks (USL-1) vs. Brooklyn Knights (PDL)
Real Maryland Monarchs (USL–2) vs. New York Pancyprian-Freedoms (USASA) Richmond Kickers (USL-2) vs. Fredericksburg Gunners (PDL)
Western Mass Pioneers (USL-2) vs. Boston Olympiakos (USASA)
AAC Eagles (USASA) vs. Pittsburgh Riverhounds (USL-2)
Michigan Bucks (PDL) vs. Cleveland City Stars (USL-1)
Minnesota Thunder (USL-1) vs. St. Louis Lions (USL-1)
Rochester Rhinos (USL-1) vs. RWB Adria (USASA)
Austin Aztex U23 (PDL) vs. Atlanta Silverbacks (USL-1)
Charleston Battery (USL-1) vs. ASC New Stars (USASA)
Charlotte Eagles (USL-2) vs. Clearwater Galactics (USASA)
Miami FC (USL-1) vs. Brandenton Academics (PDL)
Arizona Sahuaros (USASA) vs. Seattle Sounders (USL-1)
Harrisburg City Islanders (USL-2) vs. Yakima Reds (PDL)
Los Angeles Legends (PDL) vs. Crystal Palace USA (USL-2)
Portland Timbers (USL-1) vs. Hollywood United (USASA)

New homes next season

Leases usually begin June 1st. I have no idea why that is, but it's a common housing practice.

For English football clubs that were bottom of their respected table, they were evicted over two weeks ago when the season ended. For those who clinched automatic promotion or won their respected playoff final this past weekend, they moved to greener pastures. Here's a breakdown of all the movers and shakers:

Premier League

IN: West Bromwich Albion, Stoke City, Hull City

OUT: Reading, Birmingham City, Derby County

Of the three promoted teams, only West Brom have any prayer of surviving. Stoke and Hull's promotion are nice stories (Stoke not being in the top-flight in twenty-three years, Hull never in their 104-year history), but their arcane tactics and lack of class will spell doom: just look at Derby this season. The relegated teams, provided they can keep their respected core players, should bounce back up. If everyone chooses to jump ship, hire bad coaches, etc etc, then they'll be stuck in the quagmire like Charlton and Sheffield United.

Coca-Coca Championship

IN: Swansea City, Nottingham Forest, Doncaster Rovers

OUT: Leicester City, Scunthorpe United, Colchester United

Next season marks the return of once-great Nottingham Forest, as with 'the other' Welsh side Swansea City. Leeds, thankfully, won't be bouncing back up after a loss to Doncaster in the playoffs. The relegations of Colchester and Scunthorpe came as no surprise, but the collapse of millionaire madman Milan Mandaric's Leicester City raised many eyebrows. And if his hands-on approach (i.e. firing coaches every other week) continues, don't expect the Foxes to bounce back up.

League One

IN: MK Dons, Peterborough, Hereford United, Stockport County

OUT: Bournemouth, Gillingham, Port Vale, Luton

The club -- excuse me, franchise --  everyone loves to hate won both the League Two title and the Johnstone's Paint Trophy. Joining them in League One next season is Hereford who will be in the third tier for the first time in thirty years. And yes, they are named after the cows. Dropping down are numerous anonymous clubs with the exception of Luton, who may not be in existence next season due to countless "financial irregularities." Poor Hatters...

League Two

IN: Aldershot, Cambridge United

OUT: Mansfield, Wrexham

If anyone knows about any of these clubs, do add them in the comments section -- I got nothing.

As the World Turns...

Back in November, on Thanksgiving, you may have watched Stockport County take on Staines Town in the First Round of the FA Cup. And from that match you may recall the non-league side upsetting the League Two side 4-3 on penalties. For a club that finished 4th the year prior, and was tipped for automatic promotion, a loss to Ali G's club was a total embarrassment -- one that could ruin a season.

Well, fast forward six months to today where Stockport County defeated Rochdale 3-2 in the League Two promotion playoffs. Now out of the basement of the Football League, Stockport will compete in League One next season.

And perhaps promotion to the Championship next season will be helped by on a cup loss to Kidderminster Harriers F.C. 

Fulham Offside Podcast

Download Fulham Offside - Offside Podcast 5/8/08

Coca-Cola Playoffs

After an exciting final day of play, the Coca-Cola Championship's regular season gives way to the playoffs. And this year, unlike last, its a total crap-shoot. Here's what I see:

(home in bold)

Hull vs. Watford

Hull City is attempting to be in the top-flight for the first time in their history. Watford have backed into the playoffs, twiddling immensely down the stretch. Interestingly enough, had Wolves' defender Neil Collins not fouled Steve Kabba (and Marlon King subsequently scoring from the spot and winning the match) on opening day, then it probably would have been Wolves' in the playoffs, not Watford. I like Hull.

Bristol City vs. Crystal Palace

This season Bristol City managed to hoodwink opponents into defeat, ending the season with an inexplicable +1 GD. Crystal Palace --excuse me, Neil Warnock -- have gone from relegation fodder twice (in October and February) to gain 25 out of a potential 36 points. That type of momentum is unstoppable. Expect them to advance.